Raksha Bandhan- A Day I shut myself up in the house.

For the past 40+ yrs, I have had just 10 Rakhis tied to me. In my childhood, seeing me sad, my mom used to get Rakhis tied by neighbours. Some were tied by juniors in school and college who never remembered me after a year or two. The rest of 30+ years, I prefer to stay at home. When I was in hostel, I used to see Rakhis coming in by post. I could not escape when I was in the hostel. I had to face the day. In School, i always never went that day to school or go for play outside in evening. I didn't leave home till the next morning since everyone’s hands had Rakhi tied on them and only my hand was always empty. Not just in school, in the entire colony too, everyone had Rakhis tied on their hands. I used to feel hurt. 

It does still affect me as an adult. I wish I had a lifelong sister, not someone who would only remember for a year or two. A Sister to me is a support system, someone whom u could take care of and someone who would take care of u but unfortunately, i never found one such sister. I also wanted to be able to talk with such sisters.For the many who tied Rakhis to me, I hoped they would do it next year too. There were only a few who continued for 4 couple of years. There were some to whom I got very much attached to but was severely disappointed when in a year or two, they entirely forgot me. So never again tried to gain sisters. When in school, I used to ask my juniors to come to my home and tie Rakhis to me. Only a few listened. On Rakhi Day, I used to wait patiently, walk the roads and crossroads to see if anyone had indeed come. I used to be disappointed when no one turned up. At that age, I did not understand that Blood Relations are thicker and that you cannot be a brother to someone all of a sudden. Even my cousins too sent them for 2-3 years that too only when my aunt forced them to. After college hence, they never bothered. 

During marriage, you always need a sister nearby. My cousins stood for me but then that is just that year. Again, they would come when my daughters half saree function happened to fill the role of Aunt for the kid. But then, that is the end of it. I might see them again when my daughter marries. 

I do not allow any temporary sister now to invade my private space. It hurts when they forget me the next year. My daughter, who till recently did not have a sibling, now has a brother. I am glad since otherwise every Rakhi day, she too used to feel sad not having a brother. My wife religiously sends her brothers Rakhis. I do not get Rakhis in post. I got it only twice from my cousin during college but do not get them anymore. 

Even this year, I have kept myself occupied with some business schedules so that I do not need to go out and watch the colourful rakhis on people’s hands. I know this is a shell but I prefer to remain in this shell forever. It hurts. There are a lot of social initiatives including fulfilling the last wish of dying patients. I wish there were a reprieve for us brothers too since we know how to give love but really need someone to receive it. We know how to take care but do not have someone to take care of. I sometimes wonder how the lonely child in the family feels. He might have cousins but it always hurts.