We the Cousins @Summer Holidays

Summer Holidays were treasurable memories in my childhood. Dad was a banker and we used to stay in Delhi. We used to come from Delhi every summer for a month and we used to cover all relatives, 2 days in each relative house and one week in my grandparents house in Tenali. Our relations have stood the test of time with such bonding. Even after dad's transfer back to the south, we still had this as our summer routine. 1 Month in all relatives houses. Hardly a year passed in my childhood when this routine was not adhered to. During winter breaks, it was friends who used to come and stay in our houses or we used to go and stay with them. 

Today,our children call them sleepovers but we used to have these sleepovers for the entire summer. Every alternative year, we used to go to some piligrimage on Dad's LTC.  Till i grew up, i never knew that Dad had the option of not using LTC and encash the holidays at retirement but he was keen that we get the experience of visiting a new place. Dad took us to all four corners of India. Barring a few states, Dad covered most of India by the time we came to college. When i grew up, i learnt that dad&mom used to spend their entire year's savings on that one trip.

We are middle class families. All my relatives are middle class. Their houses are small. Yet the love they showered was so high. We used to huddle, all cousins in the house. In my uncle’s house, almost 15-20 people used to sleep in one hall. Almost squeezing ourselves wherever the place was. Feeding so many hungry cousins was also a big task which the ladies in the house very efficiently carried out. Because of the high temperatures outside, it was indoor games mostly in the mornings. Those days, it never occurred to us that so many of us were sharing just 2-3 bathrooms. Including the elders, there used to be around 15-20 members in the house. 

We cousins used to go to movies together, play together and roam around together. We used to go the beach, the mango orchards, temples, forts, swim in the river, play gulli danda, hide&seek, swing and of course fight sometimes.  It was always so much fun such a large batch going together. There was so much fun and camaraderie.
I loved so much my summer holidays that i feared my children missing all this fun. I came back from the USA to India much before marriage for my children to relive the fun living with cousins. But times have changed. There are no more summer breaks with cousins. My kids rush to their grandparents house and thats where they are staying most of summer. My children are not even enjoying one tenth of what I enjoyed in my childhood.

Split of joint families was the biggest disrupter of this trend. Nuclear families do not have the bonding that joint families have. With the demise of the elders in the family, the flow of cousins has stopped. My children have not experienced the affection and relations that cousins bring since they have not stayed in anyone’s house till now except their grandparents. Whenever I broach the topic, they are not interested. They are not comfortable going and sleeping in other’s houses. They ask me whether there is a extra room available. Almost all are staying in apartments, either 2 BR or 3 BR. We never asked our parents whether our cousins had an extra spare room. But currently, none of us are able to sleep without AC and hence all are prefering to spend summer in their own houses. 

Strangely, no one even invites anyone anymore. It was different in my childhood. Relatives used to call and get cross if we did not go to their homes. My mother used to take us to all relatives' houses without missing anyone. We used to be invited by all. Now, because many relatives are staying in apartments, they are not offering to invite as well. Honestly, in my home too, we always feel we need to have a guest bedroom since now relatives have to sleep in the hall. The bonding that we have with our cousins is missing in my children's relations with thier cousins. They are missing a lifelong network. 

It is also a great learning experience. It was staying in my cousin's place when in school that i shifted to engineering from my earlier goals of being in arts stream. It was my state topper cousins who inspired me to aim high resulting in very high scores academically for me. Cousins are great peers. They influence both ways. They act as role models guiding and inspiring u to aim higher. Their success builds peer pressure on u which becomes hard if u do not succeed. This does not stop once the comparison starts. Even later in life, cousins keep comparing to see who has succeeded well in life. But we do not meet every summer when we grow up.

It is only during functions that we are meeting these days. We spend hardly half a day together. There is not much time to catch up nor is there bonding. Some cousins are successful and some are not. The color green shines brightly causing differences and friction. It is not for the sake of acceptance that we go to relatives' houses. Nor is it because we want to prove that we are blood relatives. It is because man is a social animal. Relations have predated us from eon’s. It is the sheer innnocence and unconditional acceptance that relatives have. It is to enjoy that happiness that we go to relatives houses. 

In Castaway, Tom Hanks cries when his only companion, the ball, gets swept away in the ocean. It is his nameless relative. What are we seeking? In an earlier article published on www.valiveti.in, i narrated Citizen Kane's story. All he wanted was the sheer innocence of childhood. All philosophies, psychologies tell us the same- discover your inner child. 

I am embarking on a journey this summer. To stay one day in one relative’s house each day. I want to rekindle the child within. It is the child's voice who seeks to belong. I am just going to lend my feet to him. This summer,do not take appointments. Just visit as many relatives as u can. U will find a tremendous amount of positive energy within you.