AI for Society: When a Girl Becomes a Transaction  - Uma Desu

A father sits across from his daughter’s soon-to-be in-laws, not to discuss the young couple’s future, but to haggle over a price. The living room has become a marketplace: amounts of cash, gold, and luxury gifts are exchanged in conversation as casually as if sealing a business deal. It feels shocking – a scene that seems like it belongs to another century. Yet for countless families, this is routine – an accepted ritual in the process of marrying off a daughter. The practice of dowry, where the bride’s family must essentially pay the groom’s family, is so entrenched in society that its sheer audacity often goes unquestioned, turning what should be a sacred union into nothing more than a transaction. For many, this is simply “how things are done,” even in an era of rapid modernization.

An Outlawed Tradition That Persists

Dowry has been illegal in India for over six decades – the Dowry Prohibition Act of 1961 outlawed the giving or receiving of dowry. Under this law, any transfer of cash or valuables as a condition of marriage is a punishable offense. In theory, a girl’s marriage is not supposed to come with a price tag. In practice, the tradition remains rampant. Despite the legal ban, the exchange of dowry still occurs openly across different communities and socioeconomic groups of India​ . It is not confined to any one class, religion, or region – from small villages to wealthy urban centers, the custom survives, often justified as “gift-giving” or a cultural norm.

Dowry is illegal in India, yet the practice remains prevalent. Even though laws like the Dowry Prohibition Act have been in place for decades, many families still engage in dowry transactions as if it were an acceptable norm. Illustrations and awareness campaigns remind us that a girl's worth cannot be measured in money or assets, but changing such deeply ingrained mindsets is easier said than done.

The numbers behind this persistence are horrifying. Official records show that thousands of women lose their lives every year due to dowry-related violence or harassment by in-laws. According to the National Crime Records Bureau, roughly 19 women were killed every day in 2020 over dowry disputes​(ijllr.com). The following year, 2021, saw 13,534 cases registered under dowry prohibition laws – a 25% rise in dowry-related cases compared to the previous year (​theowp.org). Data from the National Commission for Women (2024) report 294 Dowry deaths in 2024 and 4000+ Dowry related complaints. These statistics are not mere numbers; they represent real daughters, sisters, and wives whose lives were cut short or ruined because their families couldn’t meet incessant monetary demands. Dowry deaths (brides being murdered or driven to suicide over dowry) average to about 18 lives lost every single day – a chilling reminder that this “tradition” is not benign but lethal. And even when it doesn’t escalate to murder, the practice inflicts immeasurable trauma: countless women are harassed, abused, and treated as commodities within their marriages, their worth reduced to the wealth they bring. Ironically, many of these cases occur in modern cities among educated families. Bengaluru, for instance – known as India’s tech hub – is not immune to dowry’s grip. Even within its educated, cosmopolitan circles, where one would presume progressive values, patriarchal norms like dowry endure unabated. It underlines a tragic truth: social progress and economic development have not fully eradicated the mindset that a bride is a burden to be compensated for in cash or gold.

Why does this cruel practice persist, despite laws and changing times? Part of the answer lies in the weight of tradition and social expectation. In many families, dowry is deeply interwoven with the idea of honor, status, and securing a “good match.” Parents often start saving for their daughter’s dowry from the day she is born, as if it were an inevitable tax on having a girl. A lavish dowry can be a status symbol for the groom’s side and a grim obligation for the bride’s. Those who dare to oppose or skimp on the payments fear that their daughters will remain unmarried or face backlash. Even terminology is twisted to normalize the exchange: dowry demands are masked as “gifts for the couple,” “help from her parents,” or “tradition.” This euphemistic framing allows families to participate in dowry without confronting the ugliness of what it really is – buying and selling a person under the guise of marriage. Over time, people have become desensitized. What once might have been viewed with shame or outrage is now often met with a resigned shrug. The result is a collective turning of the other way, a silent societal endorsement that enables dowry to thrive in the shadows of our weddings.

No Guilt, No Shame: The New Normal

I recently had a candid conversation with members of an affluent business family about this very issue. Their responses were jarring, not because they were angry or defensive, but because they were so matter-of-fact. “We’re getting a rich family, so what’s the harm in giving something?” the bride’s father told me with a shrug, referring to the hefty dowry he had agreed to pay. There was no hint of guilt or embarrassment in his voice – if anything, he seemed perplexed that I would even question the practice. For him, securing a marriage into a wealthy, “respectable” family was an achievement worth any price. The money and gifts given were just part of the bargain, as routine as ordering wedding invitations or booking a venue.

As we talked further, I realized how normalized this mentality has become, even among the educated elite. These are people who hold degrees from top universities, who run successful enterprises, who might even speak the language of gender equality in other contexts. Yet when it comes to their own family weddings, they comply with dowry customs without protest. One mother admitted that while she would never publicly endorse dowry, she “didn’t want to make waves” by refusing when her son’s in-laws offered an expensive car and cash. “It’s just tradition,” she sighed, echoing a sentiment I’ve heard so often. In private, there is a stark acceptance: dowry is simply how marriages are arranged, and objecting to it would be impractical or even detrimental to their children’s prospects. Many of these individuals would outwardly support women’s rights and progressive values, yet they compartmentalize those beliefs when it comes to arranging their son or daughter’s marriage. The hypocrisy is often unintentional – they genuinely see no contradiction. Dowry has been ingrained as a social norm to such an extent that they feel no moral conflict in upholding it. The transaction happens with a smile and a handshake, not with secrecy or shame.

This frank acceptance among people who “should know better” is, to me, the most disturbing aspect of our dowry problem. When even well-to-do, educated families participate in dowry as if it’s the natural order of things, who will challenge the status quo? If those with the privilege to make choices freely still choose dowry, how can we expect others to resist? I left that conversation with a heavy heart. I couldn’t help but wonder: will we ever move into a truly dowry-free world, or will this practice remain stubbornly woven into the fabric of our society? It’s a frightening thought that perhaps we might never see the end of dowry – that even as India leaps forward in so many fields, we could remain chained to this regressive tradition by nothing more than our own complacency.

Breaking the Chains of Dowry

“A girl is not a transaction—she is a transformation,” declares Uma Desu in  a powerful anti-dowry illustration. It’s a hopeful slogan that calls on society to rewrite the future with courage and innovation. The message encapsulates the aspiration for a world where no daughter’s worth is reduced to a dowry. Yet, bridging the gap between that hopeful ideal and our current reality remains a formidable challenge.

After witnessing and hearing how deeply entrenched dowry culture is, it is easy to feel despair. I confess that I do fear a dowry-free world may remain out of reach if things continue as they are. However, that very fear is exactly why we must not give up. Change in societal norms is difficult, slow, and often met with resistance – but it is not impossible. Every generation has the power to chip away at the attitudes that sustain this practice. Educating young people – both men and women – about the true cost of dowry is crucial. When sons are raised to reject the very idea of accepting a dowry, and daughters are raised to know their worth cannot be measured in rupees, the culture can begin to shift.

Laws, too, need better enforcement. It’s not enough to have legislation on paper; there must be accountability when those laws are violated. Swift legal action against dowry demands and dowry-related violence can send a strong message that society will no longer turn a blind eye. Community support systems are essential as well. Families that take a stand against dowry should be praised, not ostracized. Couples who marry without these exchanges can inspire others to do the same, proving that weddings can happen happily without anyone buying or selling anything.

Perhaps most importantly, we need to revive a sense of collective shame around the practice. Only when taking or giving dowry becomes socially unacceptable – something to be ashamed of rather than bragged about – will people truly think twice. This has started to happen in pockets: many educated young couples today openly declare they want “no dowry.” Such declarations need to become the norm, not the exception. Society at large must stop valorizing lavish weddings that include blatant dowry displays. Instead, we should celebrate marriages that happen as partnerships of love and mutual respect, not financial arrangements.

In our technology-driven age, there is also room for innovation in this fight. Just as we leverage AI and modern tools to solve contemporary problems, we can use technology and social media to raise awareness and report abuses. Online platforms are already amplifying voices against dowry – from viral social media campaigns that shame dowry demands, to apps that allow anonymous reporting of dowry harassment. The more visible we make the issue, the harder it becomes for society to remain desensitized. Young innovators and activists (including many from the tech sector) are beginning to tackle social ills like dowry with the same fervor as they tackle technical challenges. This blend of awareness, education, and technology gives hope that the coming years won’t simply repeat the past.

I know that one article or one conversation can’t overturn a practice cemented by centuries of tradition. But every time we talk about it, every time someone refuses to partake in it, we erode its power just a little more. From where I stand today, the road to a dowry-free society looks long and hard. Even so, I believe it’s a road we must be willing to walk – step by step, conversation by conversation, wedding by wedding. We owe it to every girl out there who dreams of her marriage as a celebration of love, not a financial transaction. We owe it to the future to ensure that a girl is never seen as a burden or a commodity. She is not a transaction – she is a person, with dreams, dignity, and limitless potential. And when we as a society finally recognize that truth, we will transform this painful reality into one where marriages are free of price tags, and our daughters are valued for who they are, not for what they can bring.

In the end, our collective courage and conscience must rewrite the future. The fight against dowry is not just about saving money or avoiding legal trouble – it’s about reclaiming basic human values. It’s about saying no to a practice that turns love into commerce and asserting that our sons and daughters deserve better. The day we finally break these chains, we’ll wonder why we ever tolerated this injustice for so long. Until that day comes, we must continue to speak, to question, and to refuse to let a girl’s life be reduced to a transaction. Only then can we hope to truly usher in a society where marriages begin with equality and respect, and the dark shadow of dowry is left behind as a relic of a past we have outgrown.

Sources Used:  ijllr.com, theowp.org​

Uma Desu is the Chief Artificial Intelligence Officer of GenAIPioneer (www.genaipioneer.com)